7/13/2020 By Larry Barker
What is your working environment like? What is it like to serve on your ministry team along side of you? Do people know what to expect from you and understand their role and responsibilities? One thing to be reminded of is that the greatest asset you have on your team is the people you are journeying together with. You must remind yourself regularly that people are not an interruption to our ministry but they are your ministry. Team dynamics and working relationships are challenged greatly by unrealistic expectations.
Being involved in three ministries that are all easily considered “full” time the question arises quite often, “How are you able to do three fulltime jobs?” The answer is quite simple, “I’m not!” It would not be possible without a wonderful church body that is willing to see my church planting and church health responsibilities as an extension of our church’s ministry. Also, there are two very skilled ladies that work on our team as administrative assistants. This enable us to work together as we strive to tackle any unrealistic expectations.
The first step to great teams is making sure you love those who are working with you. The New Testament is clear that others will know us by the love we have for one another and the Christian walk is a journey of community. Paul David Tripp says, “Your walk with God is designed by God to be a community project.” Peter instructed us to have “sincere love for the brothers” and to “love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” Thus kind of love (agape) is not an emotion but a decision of the will. It is not determined by desirability but rather by a choice.
Peter is not asking us to fulfill an unrealistic expectation but rather challenges us with the importance of relationships. This biblical expectation of loving one another is described using a physiological term; fervently.
It means to stretch to the fullest limit of a muscle’s capacity. It is caring for someone to the fullest extent and calls for maximum effort. Peter also tells us that love covers a multitude of sins but this does not mean covering them up, overlooking them, or ignoring them. It means that you are willing to forgive.
Peter’s challenge is a realistic expectation of loving one another deeply. He is not giving us a goal that is unattainable but is instead calling us to love one another in a way that demonstrates our willingness to be stretched. You must realize that this biblical expectation does not mean there will not be challenges and that people will test your ability to be stretched to your maximum capacity. The expectation, scripturally, is clear but the reality is that relationships can get off track very easily. Why? Quite often it is unrealistic expectations.
One of my grandsons was having a challenging day while Shelby and I were caring for him. I turned to her and asked, “Why is he acting like that?” She simply turned to me and replied, “Because he is four!” She was right. He was doing nothing wrong and was simply acting like a four year old normally would. He actually was not the problem; I was. My expectation was for him to act like he was twelve instead of his actual age. That is what unrealistic expectations can do on a team that has not clearly defined what is acceptable.
Peter and Geri Scazzero in Emotionally Healthy Relationships explain clearly how assuming people understand what our expectations are and thinking you can read other people’s minds leads to great relational strife. If we are not careful you begin trying to play God by believing you can read people’s minds and thinking “they” should understand what you expect of them. You can create an intricate scenario in your mind that is not true by making assumptions without checking them out. This creates great damage to families, workplaces, and churches.
Exodus 20:16 says, “You shall not give false testimony (witness) against your neighbor!” The Scazzeros state, “Every time you make an assumption about someone who has hurt you or disappointed us, without confirming it, you believe a lie in your head about them!” Actually, you are creating a counterfeit world and in your heart you are bearing false witness against someone you are called to love with a love that stretches you to the limits. Unrealistic expectations destroy team dynamics by creating endless confusion, continual conflict, and unnecessary angst.
Unrealistic Expectations are described by the Scazzeros as unconscious (you don’t even know you have them until someone disappoints you), unrealistic (they are not reasonable or fair), unspoken (you have not verbalized them and believe everyone understands), and un-agreed upon (no one has officially signed up for it). What expectations do you have of others on your team that could be described by those four terms? Is it fair to call these types of expectations as valid?
What makes expectations valid in our team dynamics? They must be conscious (you are aware of them), they are realistic (there is evidence that they are not unreasonable), they have been spoken (expressed clearly), and they have been agreed upon (by all parties involved). An expectation is only valid when it has been mutually agreed upon. These four guidelines will aid and assist you in not stepping on the landmine of unrealistic expectations.
Unrealistic Expectation
