6/5/23 by Larry Barker
Biblically, toxicity must be removed one way or the other from your congregation. Either through resolution and reconciliation or by confrontation and exclusion. It is neither easy nor fun but it will be necessary at times. Just because someone disagrees with you or has a different opinion, does not mean they are toxic. The ingredient necessary for dealing with difficult people is meekness. Jesus said in Matthew 5:5, “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” That is not the leadership style of the world but Jesus told us not to seek dominion over others but to be willing to serve others.
Meekness is defined as “humbly patient or quiet in nature, as under provocation from others. overly submissive or compliant; tame.” People of that day and most likely today as well, define meekness as weakness but not Jesus. He said the meek were the ones who would inherit the earth. When dealing with difficult people you must remain humble and meek but what exactly does that mean? All scripture is God-breathed by the Holy Spirit and He purposely picked specific words to convey what He meant in a passage.
The word meek given to us here gives us three descriptive pictures of what Biblical meekness is. The first picture is of a wild horse that has been broken. It is a picture of power under control. A horse that has not been broken will not allow you to ride them and displays power and energy out of control. The next description of how the word meek was used as a soothing medicine. It is the idea of being angry but not sinning. Being meek means that we strive to remove the pain from the situation. We defuse not escalate the problem. This is difficult because some people make the solution more painful not less.
Meekness is also a picture of a gentle breeze on a hot summer day. It is refreshing wind instead of a tsunami or hurricane whose winds destroy and devastates everything in their path. Remaining meek while enduring angry gale-force winds is not easy and requires the Holy Spirit’s comfort, guidance, and wisdom. This is what the Lord offers to us in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek (same word) and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.” When you are meek you are like Jesus.
Meekness does not mean that you are a doormat, weak and spineless. It also does not mean that you are arrogant, overbearing, and domineering. One person described it as being, “appropriately assertive.” Titus 1:9 says, “Holding to the faithful message as taught, so that he will be able both to encourage with sound teaching and to refute those who contradict it.” The word encourage means to exhort, urge, and beseech. It describes an advocate who pleads with the cause of the accused. The word sound in this verse is defined as hygienic and pictures being healthy and wholesome. You must be concerned about others’ spiritual well-being.
Before you being to think that meekness is weakness notice the word refute in this passage which means to speak against. You are commanded to speak against any teaching or behavior that contradicts healthy, life-protecting, life-preserving doctrine. Every Pastor, leader, and child of God is obligated by God to give other believers an understanding of the truth that will create the discernment necessary to protect them from false doctrine, heresy, and damaging teachings. Refusing to compromise biblical convictions while also refusing to compromise biblical love. Ephesians 4:15 still says, “Speak the truth in love.”
The extremes are truthless love or loveless truth and the meek will seek to be appropriately assertive. Do not expect your correcting them always to be well received. Often it will be seen as unloving, judgmental, divisive, unkind, and archaic but you must stand on truth. People pleasers will always try to keep others happy almost at any cost going along with them no matter what. People lovers are those who love you enough to not tell you what you want to hear and affirm your decision but to tell you what you need to hear. Titus 2:1 says it well, “But you must say the things that are consistent with sound teaching.”
Church discipline may become necessary and you should follow the outline of Matthew 18:15-20 but make sure you have exhausted all opportunities to restore them first. Confront them with a specific plan of what needs to be done to correct their attitude and/or behavior. Proverbs 6 says there are six things God hates and seven are detestable to Him. One of those is the one who sows discord among the brethren. Create a value in your congregation stating this, “We talk to one another not about one another.” Teach your people not to listen to the “discord” being sowed but for them to point them to the person they need to be talking with.
The goal is restoration and reconciliation not sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it by just hoping it will go away. This may sound contradictive but be patiently proactive. Seek to have a sit-down conversation with them to see what the problem is and how it might be resolved. Transparency produces accountability and accepting unacceptable behavior should never become acceptable. The goal is not confrontation but rather a plan for a more biblical and spiritually healthy relationship. Remember that word meek? Galatians 6:1 refers to it again and says, “You who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit.”