12/5/21 by Larry Barker
The importance of soul care cannot be overstated or stressed enough. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to minister to others. You cannot give what you do not possess and who you are is far more important than what you do. You have to know yourself to lead yourself. You are responsible for what only you can take care of and only you can nurture your walk with God. No one else can abide in Christ for you. It requires you to pursue Him, spend time with Him, and build your relationship with Him. Not only is there soul care, but there is also family care, team care, and member care.
In episodes 27 and 28 of www.healthychurchpodcast.com Drew Cline and I interviewed Dr. Steve Crawley on his MD5 discipleship that focuses on five primary areas of a man’s life: faith, family, friends, fitness, and finances. Only you can take care of yourself and only you can be the dad and spiritual leader of your home that God has called you to be. Time will not slow down for you and you must be careful not to sacrifice your family on the altar of church ministry. In the busy hectic demands of work and the culture we all live in it is imperative to take proactive steps to be in control of your calendar and your commitments.
After soul care, you must focus on taking care of your family. How are you working on continuing to develop your relationship with your wife? Are you setting aside time for her where she has your complete and undivided attention? Years ago, I realized that I needed to schedule dates and events with my wife and place them in my schedule. Whenever someone asked me if I was available I told them I already had something scheduled. No one ever questioned it and it sends a wonderful message to your soulmate that nothing on your schedule is more important than her.
Pray together! I would also suggest praying out loud for one another and others. There is nothing like hearing my wife pour out her heart to God on behalf of me, our family, and the ministry God has given us. Figure out things you enjoy doing together and schedule a time to enjoy them together. Listen to her and give her time to tell you the story she has been wanting to tell you all day. Discuss the scriptures together. We love to SOAP (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer) Journal in the mornings separately and then discuss what we believe the Lord is saying to us later. It is wonderful growing in the Lord together.
Make sure you romance your wife. Take her on dates, surprise her with a weekend get-away, and buy her flowers even when there is not a special occasion. Also, remember the important dates by memorizing them and placing them in your calendar with a reminder. If you can name all the starting quarterbacks in the NFL then you can remember your wedding date, her birthday, and other important landmarks in your relationship. I proposed to my wife on March 10, we got married on June 9, and her birthday is August 14. I did not have to look up any of those. You can do this and I can even give you the date of our first official date.
I always try to challenge leaders to have five people in their lives. Everyone needs a pastor, coach, mentor, friend, and supervisor. You can add to the list but I have always made the assumption that the most important is your wife. My wife was recently teaching a ladies’ group in Portugal and shared this, “Your husband needs your encouragement and support. He needs to know you are behind him and beside him, because sometimes he may feel like you’re the only one.” I am so thankful that I do know that statement to be true in our relationship. You are called to love your wife the way Christ loves His church and is willing to die for her.
In I Peter 3:7 we are told to live with our wives and honor them. One commentary said the idea is that we are to be present (all there) not just sharing the same house and the same bed. Are you present with her when you are home? Are you showing her daily that she is first in your life before the ministry or anything else? Are you including her in the ministry and discussing with her what God is placing on your heart? Are you getting her perspective on what she sees and are you listening to her burdens and concerns when she shares them with you? Remember that she sees things you miss and God has placed her there by your side to be your helpmeet.
When our children were very young, one of them said to me, “Dad, how come you always side with Mom against us?” My reply was short and simple, “Because I like her more than you!” They knew I teasing a little bit but they also knew that I was going to honor her and support her the same way she has always stood beside me. Make sure you tell her how much you love her, help her with the chores, hold her hand, and support her in the dreams God has placed upon her heart. When Shelby was 47, she told me she wanted to go back to school and get her RN. She graduated and she knew that I had her back the same way she has always had mine.
I am certainly not perfect and made many mistakes but we must remember that our wives come before our ministry and then they will be a tremendous blessing to the ministry!