3/25/24 by Larry Barker
“If it were easy everyone would be doing it.” The interesting dynamic for pastors is that it is not a vocation but God’s calling on your life. There are Biblical rules and standards by which spiritual leadership is to be accomplished. It starts with character and then, and only then, begins to look for competencies and skill sets. Hal Seed in a recent article discussed four buckets that must remain full; Spiritual Practices, Character Strengths, Relationship Skills, and Ministry Experience. Leaders you cannot draw from an empty well and your spiritual walk is more important than anything else you do.
As Hal points out, spiritual practices and disciplines are what lead to and develop character strengths such as integrity (Proverbs 1:9), courage (Joshua 1:9), humility (James 4:10), perseverance (Romans 5:3-4), and self-control (Titus 1:8). Les McKeown talks about three sub-conscious “tells” of great leadership. One of them is placidity which speaks directly to the character strengths that need to be built, strengthened, and sustained in a leader’s life. Placidity is the quality of not being easily excited or annoyed. Jesus never panicked nor ran around desperately asking, “Oh my, what are we going to do?”
Leaders are not given the luxury to be able to lose their temper, become impatient, or display other imbalanced emotions without there being repercussions. You are being watched not only for doing the right thing but also for doing it in the right way with the right attitude. McKeown’s second trait is detachment because leaders care deeply and are passionate about their calling but should not allow failure and shortcomings to define them. You will blow it, have your challenging moments, and fall short, and that is when you must learn from it, apologize, and continue to persevere.
Learn to relax, reflect, and do not expect perfection. Be able to laugh at yourself and have spiritual mentors around you who can help you debrief and understand those times that you did fail in a particular confrontation. The great basketball coaching legend John Wooden said, “Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.” If you do not believe this about failure you might want to ask the Apostle Peter. You also must learn to forgive yourself by not sweeping it under the rug but by owning it, repenting of it, and trusting the Holy Spirit to strengthen you in that area by building His Godly presence into your life.
The real lesson here is to not take yourself too seriously and lighten up a little bit. The third trait McKeown mentions is economy. Leaders need to learn a balance between too little action/reaction and too much action/reaction. This is not easy and will take much time in prayer seeking His leadership in the situation. A good measurement is to figure out whether it is more natural for you to overreact or underreact. Remaining sensitive to the Holy Spirit will give you a greater opportunity to make sure that whatever you do in the difficult moment is God-initiated. Jesus stated at least five times that He did nothing on His initiative.
Unfortunately, dealing with difficult people is a reality, and make sure that you are not the problem. Hal says this about developing our relationship skills, “Develop your relationship and communication skills, and you will see your family and church life improve as you naturally interact with thoughtful wisdom.” James tells us to be, “quick to listen, slow to speak (that one hurts), and slow to anger.” Years ago, I remember a message in this passage (James 1:19) entitled, “Tune In, Tone Down, and Sweeten Up.” That is great Biblical advice to those whom God has called to serve in leadership roles because people are watching you.
Daniel Goleman, in Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ, states, “It might seem at first that our feelings are obvious; more thoughtful reflection reminds us at times we have been all too oblivious to what we felt about something, or awoke to these feelings late in the game. This awareness of emotions is the fundamental emotional competence on which others, such as emotional self-control, build.” Hal says, “Self-aware people naturally recognize their emotions and are able to process them sooner… before they act on them, and get themselves into trouble.”
Denial is not the answer nor is it a river in Egypt. Here is another concern you must also confront. Are you harboring any bitterness or unwilling not to forgive anyone who has hurt you? Biblically, you cannot justify unforgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 is clear, “And be kind and compassionate to one another; forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” The best way to gain wisdom is not figuring it out by yourself but rather by applying God’s word in every area and aspect of your life, your leadership, and your ministry. It does not require working harder but instead abiding more in Him.
Unfortunately, again, the person you need to focus on the most is you. Going back to the first bucket, Spiritual Practices reminds us that the fruit of our life reveals the roots of our faith. Yep, that one hurts, but repentance and humility are required and necessary if we desire to be the leaders God has called us to be. Hebrews 12:1b is a great reminder, “Let us lay aside (diligently avoid) every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us.” Could that sin be my attitude, my ambition, my affections, or even my apathy to change?